I’m on day four of a six week Spiritual Renewal Leave. During this period of Spiritual Renewal Leave my main hope (in addition to rest & renewal) is to record some of the songs I’ve written over the years. I started a few weeks before my leave began, to record with my phone and post on youtube.

It’s NOT high quality production – sometimes I even mess up during the songs (and still post them!). But I decided that my goal was not perfection, but simply to put the songs out there. Sometimes they come to me like a flood, all the words and melodies at once. So I figured, that has to mean something, right?

Today I went to a recording studio. When I got home, my body was exhausted. I have always wanted to record my music. And I finally took a huge step towards that goal. My body celebrated with me, but said, okay, that was a huge first step, now take a nap.

My mind and my body often fight with each other. My mind thinks I’m superwoman and can press through anything. My body often reminds me that I cannot.

The nap won Round One. But when I awoke, I thought I’d go ahead and record next week’s songs.

My mind. And its need to produce.
My body, and its reminder to rest.

Round 2: my mind won. I tried to record a hymn. It did not go well. I tried to record what will probably be the main album title song. It was meh. I just wasn’t feeling it.

Round 3: my body won. So I stopped.

After all, this is called a Spiritual Renewal Leave, not a Hyper Production Leave.

God spoke to me in this time, reminding me of this. That the goal is not to produce. But to rest. To be renewed in my soul. And that if I press on to record all the things, I will be exhausted before I even get started.

Tomorrow I see my Spiritual Director. She’s the one who helped me begin to listen to my body. Praise be to God for her and for these lessons I’m learning each day.