This summer I started a Youtube Channel and changed my art page on facebook to a music page. I’ve been asked a few times, “Why are you doing this?” or “Why now?” Today a colleague posted a question asking if you only had a limited time left to live, what you would do with the time.

I almost died last year from a pulmonary embolism. I faced my mortality, as I’ve posted about in previous blog posts. And I asked myself, “What do I have left in this life to experience?” Moreso, How is God calling to me to spend this precious gift of life?

I came out of the womb singing. I have always loved singing. I started writing music in seventh grade. But I didn’t have the confidence to sing in front of people until college, and didn’t sing outside of a worship context in front of people until I was thirty years old.

So, why now? Because life is short and we never know how much time we have left. Also, because I have a new appreciation for the imperfection of life and am free from the hell of needing everything to be perfect.

Why do it at all? Because I wake up singing, and sometimes the words and melodies come to me and I know they’re not mine to keep. They’re meant to be shared. I want to share hope and joy through music. I pray that the songs I share make people smile and laugh and open their eyes to the beauty of every day life, even the hard parts.

The ongoing struggle of a recovering perfectionist is still very real. I look at the millions of people posting videos of themselves singing and it’s obvious that they have high tech equipment and some type of software to make it sound professional. I realized early on in this process that I didn’t want to be stuck in front of a computer editing. I just want to sing.

So what you’ll find in my youtube/instagram/facebook is raw footage of just me, an instrument, and my samsung galaxy s24 phone. It’s brutally imperfect and sometimes makes me cringe when I listen to it. Sharing my songs feels like sharing part of my soul, part of my innermost thoughts, grief, pain, joy. And it’s sometimes messy. But if I waited for it all to be perfect, it would never be shared.

So here I am. Trusting that the Spirit shines through my imperfections to bring hope and joy to those who need it.

As my song Gratitude & Grace says, “I am perfectly imperfect. I’m loud and take up space. I love rainbows and the mountains. I sing a new song every day. But I’ve got Gratitude & Grace in my bones. I thank God I’m alive and I’m not alone. This life we live is short and sweet, so I’ve got Gratitude & Grace right here with me.”

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Click here for information on my music and how to contact me.